20 years in the making

                Director Amber Dawn with Molly McMahon

                Director Amber Dawn with Molly McMahon


My Rock n Roll Fantasy is a documentary about friendship and loss, and an examination of the early 90s NW music scene.

I met Molly at Lincoln High in Portland, Oregon in 1991. As 14 year olds, we bonded over rape, abuse and shattered home lives. In the early 90’s, we came of age into a tide of feminism that encouraged young girls to show their pain. Molly didn’t hold any punches.

In her zine, “Rock n Roll Fantasy” Molly recounted her struggles of being taken from an abusive home, becoming a ward of the state and living in group homes while writing and singing songs for her all girl band. She drew herself in intimate acts such as using a coffee can as a bathroom because she was scared to run into her drunk father. Molly's artwork is up close, personal and filled with self-examination and questioning of a society that treats at-risk youth like castaways. Molly found help from Kathleen Hanna and Courtney Love. She sang in a band with Kathleen called "The Troublemakers". Her artwork was used by Bikini Kill and published by Portland's, The Secret Press

Molly died in 1995. Although Molly's death was the most painful event in my life, it wasn't a surprise. Molly’s impending death was forever on my mind. My Rock n Roll Fantasy uncovers the circumstances preceding Molly's suicide and shows a personal journey of grief with videos Molly and I shot together and those I took after her death. The film examines the bonds of friendship between two damaged teenaged girls dabbling with destruction. Portland is portrayed in its musical heyday, with scenes at the X Ray cafe and La Luna, when the city streets were crawling with weirdos, freaks and addicts. Molly's artwork and animations are adapted from Molly's zines by animator Willow D'arcy. My Rock n Roll Fantasy examines the power of friendship and the impact of suicide, while seeking to empower youth through Molly's story.